Wednesday, October 27, 2010

It's not always rainbows and butterflies...

If you know me... truly know me... you know I am infamous for being a dreaded... "MWC" or, in everyday terms - a Mom. With. Camera. We, collectively, are the downfall of professional photographers everywhere. Indeed. And President Bush is also responsible for 9/11. And there is a thing called Global Warming. Anyway. Let's move on before I "get started", shall we?

I post lovely photos everytime I blog. I have a collection of them waiting to be published, too. In addition to that little factoid, you should also know, that as a part of my sickness, I also have a working list at all times, of photos I want to take FOR my blog. It's a labor of love people. That, or a labor of crazy. Haven't quite decided. I can say, confidently, that I live my everyday life scoping out my surroundings. Always looking for the next perfect backdrop. It annoys my children. But, hey - what doesn't? Just add this to their list of "issues" that therapy will resolve later in their adult lives. We'll call it #24212.

However. In terms of "keepin' it real," i would like to inform you ::SHOCK:: that there are some photos that do not go, shall we say, as planned. They are in a secret vault deep inside my laptop. I save them for days like this, when I a.) feel like embarrassing my teenager... and b.) have nothing more newsworthy to discuss.

(Sarah Beth / 13 years old / October 2010)

This is a photo we take frequently. It's really a genius idea cooked up by my middle schooler, who is more worried about her hair and makeup than about starving children in China. I think it goes along with Middle School in general... but Lord help me, I am just praying we make it through. This picture is called a "Hair Check," in which I take a photo of the teenager, so she can make sure everything, including the tiniest hairs on her head, are in perfect order. To this day, I have been unable to decipher what exactly that perfect order is, as she always looks beautiful and photo-ready to me. But, after all, I am her mother. And we know by law, that means I don't know ANYTHING.

(Sarah Beth and Jordin / 13 and 10 / October 2010)

This is a picture that I would say turned out beautifully, however, has been deemed "YOU BETTER NOT PUT THAT ONE ON FACEBOOK OR YOUR BLOG" by both children. Why? I don't understand. Perhaps it's a hair out of place. Perhaps it's the wrong jeans or the barefeet or ... wait a second... maybe it's the fact that this picture actually almost makes it look as though these two love each other?! WHAT? Jeez. No wonder it's in the vault. Can't have rumors like that getting out to the general public. Afterall, these girls have a reputation to uphold. As you can see, however, here it is, right there for the whole wide internet to gaze at lovingly. That's another lesson, dear sweet children, in the chapter called MAMA ALWAYS WINS.

(Sarah Beth and Jordin / 13 and 10 / October 2010)

I really have no idea what's going on here. I thought it worth putting out there.

(Landon / 24 months / October 2010)

Ok. Let's be honest. I have not one, but TWO toddlers roaming around at all times. They have many, many adorable outfits I do not dress them in - for fear of having them coated in Oreo crumbs and ketchup. Did you know that ketchup goes with Oreos? Yeah. Me neither. Landon, however, says it does. In any case - I keep all their special little outfits hung up nice and neat in the laundry, and only put them in them approximately 1.3 minutes before we walk out the door to any special occasion. I also save them for special photos - like this one - where Landon has obviously become disagreeable. If I remember correctly, his bottom lip started hanging out when I asked him to sit in his Tonka dumptruck. WHYYYYY would I EVVVVVER ask him to do such haneous thing? WHYYYYYY??? And so, shortly thereafter, we took off the fabulous shirt and ran around the yard, getting sweaty and dirty. I did manage ONE picture before that happened. And I don't see the Tonka truck anywhere, do you?

(Lauren / 12 months / October 2010)

I know when you see this picture, you will be shocked and horrified. It's true, I frequently torture my children by taking their photos. FREQUENTLY. I take them out to relatively cool and beautiful places and sit them in terrible places like the above, and wait on the snakes and spiders to take over. That's not actually true, so please don't call Child Services. Usually, these plans go quite well - everyone cooperates - and we move along our merry way. But not always. Sometimes I make them miss dinner, or sit on the ground when a Big. Scary. Four. Wheeler! is only a few feet away. The above photo is a result of Lauren's One Year pictures.... with that terrible four wheeler in her midst. TAKE IT AWAY MOMMY! TAKE IT AWAY! However, minutes later, I realized that indeed, as long as she could sit ON the four wheeler, the world was her oyster.

Can't win for losing sometimes. I have just learned to celebrate the losses. I even take pictures of them.