Therapy.

I remind myself, on the days that are worse than others, that everyday I get to kiss this....


.... and it makes everything better.

Dear Landon. Month Five.

Yesterday (shame on me) you turned five months old. Five entire months. Before I know it, you'll be dating. Let's just take our time on that one. I'll take a little Kindergarten first, okay?



I must admit I have fewer pictures than normal to add to this post. That has to do of course, because I have shamelessly posted all the ones taken of you this month already, and because, indeed, I sold my camera. Hopefully I will have a new one soon enough.

For the first time in your wee little life, people are commenting on just how big(!) you are. And by big, I mean, you know, BIG. Chunky. Butterballish. It's a sigh of relief from the days of how tiny(!) you were - as I was worried you'd be cursed to a life of being the smallest kid in your class. You've left your preemie days behind for size 12 month clothing. I am constantly cleaning out your drawers.



You've been with your new babysitter for a little over a month now, and we couldn't be happier . You or me. She is sweet and kind and funny and loves the Goo Goo Dolls. I think all four are pretty important, noteworthy qualities. Just the other day when I picked you up, she apologized that you might have become a future golf player - as she had been watching the golf channel with you for most of the day. Apologize? Why, I think I just saw Pa's eyes glaze over. At this rate, he has hopes you might even turn out to be a democrat too. He has no idea I am totally workin' against him.

You are social. Talking. Laughing. Flirtin' with the ladies. You are mastering hand eye coordination. You work for hours on grabbing hold of just one of the dangling toys above your beloved Bouncy Seat. Once you get it, of course, you look around like, um, you know, NOW WHAT?

We introduced you to a little bit of television this month. Only because it was Sesame Street and well, who can resist ELMO? Not even you. You loved him and his goldfish. Don't worry. It's cool. Especially on the baby scene. The real shameful part is that we grownups were all sitting there just as enthralled as you were.

Thinking Spot.

When the weather warms, we all retreat to one place, every year, no matter what.
Mimi's back porch. It's where the wild things are. It's where we solve the world's problems. Well, most of them anyway. We have yet to solve the issue of my parents being democrats out there. Some things a porch just can't fix.

In any case, democrat or republican, the porch is a special place. Even though we know who is right. Me. Just for notation purposes.

What was I saying again? Oh. Yes. The Back Porch.

Having been born in the month of October, and doing that whole reeaaaalllly tiny thing - Landon has not had much Back Porch Time as of yet. I guess when you are almost five months old, there are fewer problems to solve.

The weather was warm and springish. And Landon debuted on the porch swing.

With his Mimi. And he realized we've been hiding a whole world from him. One that includes birds and trees and two pesky horses. And I am sure he was thinking of disowning us right then, for keeping all this cool stuff from him. WHAT WERE WE THINKING with our desire to keep him warm and toasty?

So, as she is alwaaaays thinking of blog topics for me, Mimi "suggested" that I RUN and get her camera so we could document such an important day. Hey I said SUGGESTED. Of course, by the time you reach thirty, you've realized what "suggested" means in Mother Language. In other words, DO IT. NOW.

After a few minutes of all that new stuff, and you know, birds and nature and all, Landon was just plain tuckered out. That or all the political talk bored him right to sleep.

Dear Landon. Month Four.

Today you are sixteen weeks old. And I could still just eat you with a spoon. I think this feeling wears off sometime around nine or so, when I will be helping you pack the bag you plan to run away from home with. Don't forget clean underwear. For now, though, I am relishing every second of this deliciousness that is... you.

Four months ago today wanna know where I was? Sitting in the labor / delivery suite... praying. Just for you. For me. For us. It was quiet and still. Just you and me. Waiting. I could never say enough about those moments between the time the doctors said "let's have a baby" and the time the room filled with people. They were surreal - the seconds before ... before the girls became big sisters... before I became the Mother of a Son... before your daddy became a father. Quiet moments. Tremendous moments.

You are smiling and laughing at everyone and oh-so-ticklish. You are outgrowing every article of clothing you own. You and your cousin Jackson have discovered the magic of each other. Faces and people have now become familiar characters. You know your Mama and Daddy, Mimi, Pa - Sisters - heck, even the dog. You watch and observe and are probably wondering how in the world you ended up with this lot as your Relatives... but, all the same, we like you a lot. So just bear with us. We're learning.

This month you spent some extra time with your other Grandmother. The one who will undoubtedly let you runaround barefoot with mismatched clothes and frogs in your pockets. The one who will teach you how to make mud pies and who will dip your feet into the lake with hers. The one I can't wait for you to love as much as I love. And because you've been listening to all my stories about her - you smiled and laughed and cooed and kicked until you fell sound asleep right beside her from all the excitement. Right then, I pictured you in six or so years, wet hair, swimming trunks, barefoot, sunkissed... passing out next to her on the boat. Contentment. Just remember. When your dad and I screw things up... when we make you the maddest you've ever been... when you're busy packing your runaway bag... you always have your grandmothers.

Oh. And where are you celebrating your big day? Well. I must confess. Today is your second day with The Babysitter. No. Not Mimi's or even Jennifer's or any other even distantly related relative. A wonderful, delightful, caring Babysitter. Who doesn't even have a wart on the end of her nose. Who even told me you had FUN yesterday. Where, I might add, you are surrounded by several other children who have made you the center of attention, which I AM SURE is only causing you to miss your mother EVEN MORE. Mmm-hmm. I am sure that's exactly what you are doing.

Love.
Mama.

These two are headed for trouble.

Let's talk about some preciousness for a minute. JUST for a minute, ok?

Lookie. It's Jackson and Landon. Jackson, much like the girls, has now discovered that Landon is in fact, interactive! And Landon has discovered that maybe SOMEBODY finally gets it. And it's Jackson.

Right now, Landon is hoping that in fact, JACKSON has the bottle he's been asking for for the past thirty minutes. While his Mama was busy with the camera. AGAIN.

Jackson likes to ssssqqqquuueeeeze Landon he's so excited to see him. I think one day his guts might pop right out of his eyeballs while this is happening. Seriously. Isn't that gross?

See? Jackson is just wantin' a little lovin.' That's all. And maybe if Landon (note fabulous sleeper) would just give in already, he wouldn't get so sqqquuueeezed for it. It's all fun and games until someone gets him out of the carseat.

Pause.

You'll just have to find a way to endure this torture while I figure out something to write about...

Dear Landon. Month Three.

Dear Landon.

Today you are twelve weeks old. Three months. Eighty-four days. A whole bunch of hours. A gazillion or so minutes.

The last three months have been life changing, and I am not sure where the time has gone. Seems like yesterday that I was impatiently awaiting the doctor to release you from the NICU. Now you're smiling and laughing and oh yes, sleeping all night. The latter of three being the most impressive thus far. But, the smiling is nice too.

I wish I could say we were "working out the kinks" in your schedule. But, hello, that would be a bold face lie. We're just happy when you do the same thing for forty-eight hours, much less develop a whole entire consistent schedule. Schedule? What's that? You'll hear of no such thing. I say this is a definite peek into the future... of you knowing that you will more than likely always be able to charm anyone into whatever you want. This will work to your advantage one day. Just not now. Mostly because I've been to this rodeo before, my friend.

This past month you and your daddy finally held hands. A moment I have been waiting on for forever it feels like. I couldn't trade those initial moments of introduction for any amount of money. Yeah. I love him. So much sometimes it hurts. But, we can't have everything we want (life lesson #1)... so, I am settling for friendship... for you. The one that you saved, singlehandedly. You are changing lives, everyday. You don't know it yet, but you are. A lesson in ... just laying down everything and moving forward.

Now, speaking of Him (your father) I must mention that you didn't stick with our plan of you know, giving him hard time for at least a year - since you went right ahead smiling ear to ear whenever you see him... however, that's okay... we'll save the hard time for when you're thirteen through twenty-one. And wow, like, trading a year for like, eight? Now THAT'S what I call a deal.

It's very precious to watch anyone become a parent for the first time. That you could have a part in something so great... so amazing... one day you will understand this.

I took you to visit Aunt Becca and Uncle Brandon this month. Your very first trip to Charleston. Your very first complete bath by a dog. Beau was so excited I think he wanted to change diapers himself. Of course, with no thumbs, this remains hard for him to accomplish. He settled for eight million kisses instead. Aunt Tracey babysat and Uncle Brandon took you to the "boys" section of the store. In any case, you were delightful and dined and strolled like all the other good Charlestonians do. To say the least, you um - fit RIGHT in. Could be a Citadel in your future. Mike Company, preferably. With Aunt Becca as your librarian.

The next few months will bring even more changes, I am certain. I am just lucky and blessed to know you will be a part of every one. Waited my whole life to do this thing with you? Absolutely.

Love. Child.

This afternoon, I had company. The kind that comes and stays. I had a headache. I was tired. Emotionally stressed. On... overload. For a million plus one reasons.

In any case. I didn't get much done. I didn't figure out any solutions to my problems... no answers to my troubles of the soul. But . I did decide one thing. I love this little boy in a way I cannot describe. In a way that is powerful beyond explanation. Maybe it's his big blue eyes. It's definitely something.

The Boy.