Thursday, March 8, 2012

Just Keepin It Real. {{The Happiness Project}}

My sweet friend from high school,  Lisa,  recently told me that maybe I should have a reality show called "Toddlers and Teens." She even promised that if I actually ever GOT a reality show, she'd TIVO the &^%$ out of it. I have that in writing. Just in case.

In the same message shared via Facebook (the end all of social communication... don't ask me to call you, because HELLO, strange and unusual!) she also told me that it looks like I have a pretty awesome life. Yes. Indeed. I do have it made up in The Farmhouse.   I have four amazing kiddos, a super-handsome-hard-working-church-going-Man, SuperParents who live just 500 feet from my front door, and the list goes on.

And, if you spend anytime on Pinterest or the Mommy Blogging world, you'd think mostly what I do all day is craft, bake bread and neatly fold Josh's laundry. 

I have come to realize that Facebook, blogs, and the like often produce a rosy picture of life ... not actually reality - far from it really... .  I am frequently annoyed with how WELL and SKINNY everyone seems to be according to Facebook and the Internets.  I say this as I have a delicious preschool - friendly lunch of frozen pizza. 

Things... they are not exactly... perfect.

Wanna know? Mmmmk. I'll tell you.

I have a broken relationship with my sister. We don't speak. Ever. At all. This has been going on for three years. That's a long time to miss your sister. Unfortunately, despite best efforts, there is no end in site, or light at the end of the Tunnel. This is very sad for me. She was my BFF. She is talented and smart and successful, and hello, we are missing each other's lives.

This sadness started to take over. It started showing up everywhere, from my heart to my face to my laundry room. It was - is - sad.

My teenager and I live in seperate houses. This is mostly because I wanted her to have all kinds of OPPORTUNITIES, and I sent her to live with her dad to get them. She had to leave all her BFF's here, and move into a foreign land with City Folk. She says it sucks. It does suck. But we're were doing this whole "for the greater good" project, and I still believe in it tremendously.  I miss her so much that it physically hurts. HURTS. However. She is thriving ... all A's and B's on her report card. Sigh. We usually yell at each other.

My dearest, best, favorite person in the world (outside of these walls, anyway) was just admitted to a drug rehab. That's a whirl of yuck I can't even discuss yet. It is just YUCK, and that's a shabby, disrespectful term for the whole situation.

I am telling you all this because, frankly, I think life is far more easy to be shared when we're just bein' REAL.  I wanna know that you too have a laundry basket full of mismatched socks longing for their partners, a little family dysfunction, and maybe one or two skeletons in your closet.  It would be far easier to share / get through it all if people could just be themselves.  Wrinkles, baggage and all.

So here I am, a good two months out from last writing, only to say that I too, got caught up in the perfection of it all.  It's been two months of Mondays in my world, dealing with the loss of important relationships (oy, AGAIN) and cleaning up the mess that addiction leaves behind.   I thought I had nothing good to say.  Boy was I wrong. 

More to follow.   For sure. <3


  1. girl....shall I even begin to share my mismatched sock basket, skeletons and family dysfunctions :)
    We are in this together.
    Need a know where I live ;)

  2. Darn, I typed an awesome comment and it got deleted instead of we attempt to go again....

    Aren't we living the glamorous life - battling the laundry monster, wrangling the youngsters...don't even get me started on the never-an-end-in-sight pile of dirty dishes at my house! Treasure your messes, dear - they mean you are surrounded by loved ones. Breathe through and embrace pain - it molds you, teaches you - but mostly remember that it's absence doesn't equal happiness, it equals lack of existence and death! I know it's tough to see your blessings when they are buried under piles of mismatched socks and kids' toys - I have that issue myself! You are blessed though, and don't give up hope for what you want in the future - hope is a commodity that can't be bought or sold, and is only destroyed when you turn your back on it.
    Doing the right thing for ourselves, our families, our loved ones, isn't always easy, but it is rewarding! Someday you will be able to look back and know that it was worth it.
    Love you, and I am so proud of the woman you've grown up to be! You've come a long way from the 14 yr old girl I knew =)

  3. FLASH BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This seems all to familiar. When our children are young they are involved in many things, chearleading, football, not to mention pta parents teachers, other parents you yourself went to school with, they always had bigger better things. we dont people to know we have less than they do. what we fail te recognize is they dont care but we think they do. i am past that i tried to be true to myself and know it is what it is i am blessed to have you

  4. I am sad to hear of your pain. But your friend who is going into rehab may be entering the best part of his/her life. The part *before* rehab is when you wreck everything in your life; if successful, rehab teaches you how to rebuild all those things. It's hard, but it's beautiful and healing. You will be a part of that, and s/he will let you know when it's time for you to join the process. Things will be more real than they have ever been. You will be as much a part of each others' lives as oxygen.

    Meantime, we can't fight battles for our friends, our sisters and brothers, or even our kids. Despite our best efforts, they will have to wade those waters themselves. Life is like that for all of us. We cheer them on when they succeed and sit with them when they hurt. That's all we have to give. When we are in need, it's all we really want.

    Your heart is big enough; your soul is strong enough.