It's about five am. Saturday morning. House is still. Very still. Only sounds are fire in fireplace... teenager snoring (how could I ever possibly write anything about that, jeez how embarrasing) and coffeepot... doing what it does oh-so-well.
Josh said last night before we closed our eyes that he hoped the babies would sleep "in" this morning. I didn't tell him that I don't think they know what that means, cause I thought it might ruin the moment. I just sighed and dreamily asked him to define "late." I think he fell asleep before he could answer. We'll be up and passing out Cheerio rations before seven.
Big day today. Baby shower for the sister-in-law. I am sure to be on the road by nine and not home until late afternoon. Veggie tray to prepare. Decor to deliver. Celebration to enjoy.
Sisterhood is a funny thing for me now. I appreciate the relationships of others around me in a different way. A change of definition in my life. It's surreal. Bittersweet. I miss her.
I am fascinated with the relationships of other "sisters" that I know. Amazed by their partnerships and roles in each others lives. What it must be like to be an aunt or for your children to be neices and nephews. What it must be like for children to be spoiled, loved and enjoyed by Aunts and Uncles. A very sad, little dark hole in my heart.
But despite it all, I am filled with joy. Two fat little toddlers, sound asleep, blissfully unaware of my internal sadness. Two toddlers who make everyone around them smile. Landon with his harmonica playing and Lauren with her sly smile. They love to tickle and dance and laugh. They back themselves up (literally) into my lap with storybooks because they know I will read it to them, everytime. I receive 345 plastic teacups full of "tea" everyday, because they know we will sit and share it and pour some more. Lucky am I.
Two beautiful teenagers who are talented, lovely and generally amazing. Who share hair curlers and blush and are now trying to wear each other's clothes. Growing. Women before I know it. I can no longer help them with math homework, have become totally uncool, and watch terrible reality television with them. Lucky am I.
And I realize, I am truly missing little in life. My cup runneth over. Where I have always wanted to be. One major thing removed from my life, and so much poured back into it. Spending my days reading stories, pouring more juice, and PTAing. Yes, I said it. PTA-ing. My, how life changes.
Off to spend the day celebrating my sister-in-law and a sweet baby on the way. A renewal for me, of sorts.... in more ways than one... you can just call me Aunt Rachael.